Seemingly Out of Nowhere…

I find this whole thing very confusing. Just when I had written The Engineer, and all other engineers off entirely the game started to change. He went and picked his grapes and came back and I got busy and pretty much ignored him. He moved to another part of France and I stayed here. He asked me to come and visit and I said no. It was left at that. Early into the week we started chatting again. The strange thing is that it was the real kind of conversation where you actually start to feel closer to the person. We asked each other the right questions. We made each other laugh. We stayed up talking past 1am. A couple nights in a row. (Now the chatting til 1am thing is not entirely impressive in itself but the fact it.. I’ve been getting up at 4:44am every day and so– 1am is HOURS past my usual bedtime.) At one point I made some comment about my approaching birthday. He asked if he sent me a train ticket to him would I like it? I said yes but I can’t make the billion hour train journey before Christmas. I said he should come here to experience the Christmas Markets. He said maybe. It wasn’t a priority for me because I have lots to do between now and Christmas and lots of people around. He said he would come the first weekend of December. I said that was not a great idea because it is my work Christmas party. He asked if I had a date already. I said no. He said he would let me know. I said if he came the next weekend we could spend more time together. A few hours later I received an email where he told me he had rearranged his plans and to expect him that second weekend.

During one of our conversations we started to argue. The thing about this guy is he gets under my skin and makes me feisty and firey. BUT when we fight/argue/heatedly discuss he does not shirk away. AND he can tell if I’m getting to upset and will make peace. So during this so-called fight he suddenly thought that it was stressing us out too much and we should just leave it for another time. Then he started talking to me about how he has known me for 10 years. He talked about how he really did like me back then but I was not picking up the clues he dropped and so he deemed me “not ready”. He talked about how he knew my schedule and would randomly pop up where I was. Now that I think about it, it all makes sense. So I wonder why he is telling me all these things…

I am slightly baffled that he has gone from being locked in a state of vague to this sudden “expect me at your place in the immediate future.”  Especially since if we end up getting along I’ll see him in Canada the next week…

Very strange. Just needed to get all that out. Will try not to ramble quite so much in the future.

The good news is that I have almost 3 weeks to clean my flat and get ready for his arrival. The bad news is that I think it will actually take that long!

Must reconsider…

all disparaging comments made about Engineers…

The Key Points

~ Professional Development Weekend in London was amazing! Spent time at The Globe, Stratford, saw Billy Elliot, visited places deemed inspirational to Shakespeare and Dickens, shopped, hung out.. twas lovely!

~ Handing in my Resignation letter tomorrow.

~ Booked a ticket to Hong Kong for a Job Fair in January… eeek! Here we go again!

~ The Engineer continues to mess with my mind… about 80% likely he’s coming to visit in a few weeks. His idea. He seems to really want to see me and it’s kind of silly because we’ll both be in Canada the week after that BUT if he wants to come here and hang out at the Christmas Markets drinking gluhwein then.. okay! Might be good to figure things out over here…?

~ Most likely moving out of my flat and down the street in the next couple months.. more on that later!

4:44 plus 5 days = Tired!

And it’s Friday again! Thank God! This has been a crazy week but it’s also gone quite quickly. I managed to get up at 4:44am every morning in honour of NaNoWriMo. It’s been an interesting week and I think I definitely have a workable story going. A combination of an old idea with a new one. I’m taking the approach of writing what I know but also just seeing what happens. It’s actually quite fun.

Granted I am way more caffeinated than I’ve ever been and around 4:44pm I nearly hit a brick wall but it’s kind of worth it! At least I’m writing!

Last night, through the wisdom that only comes after a Jumbo Raspberry Mojito I realized that I haven’t fully let The Engineer go from my mind. There is something about him that I can’t just write off. I can’t dismiss him entirely even though sometimes I want to. Lately our chats and conversations and messages have been nice and he says the things I want to hear. The problems arise due to our location and lack of actual face time. We’ll both be home at Christmas and plan to get together a few times. He wants to sort out visits in 2010. I think that could definitely be arranged. So again.. wait and see…

Tonight I’m going to Dublin with one of my good friends! I’ve never been before and am really looking forward to it. We plan to go on the free walking tours, see some impressive things and spend the rest of the time in pubs. Works for me!

October Break I think I love you…

I am finally on Oktober Break and what a nice feeling it is! Yes I know I’m lucky as the Canadian teachers only get Thanksgiving Monday off but I’ve been back at work since early August… so yes…

I spent the weekend chillin and cleanin and just generally relaxing while trying not to think about my family in Canada who were in the midst of a great big Thanksgiving Feast. This is my 5th Thanksgiving away… so it’s really not a huge deal but still I do miss my family and well I’ve been craving Pumpkin Pie!

Tonight I’m flying to London for the rest of the week! I am looking forward to catching up with friends and hanging out, shopping, talking, eating, drinking, seeing things… I think it will be fun! Quite a few of my friends from here will be there and so we’ll meet up and see shows I think.

I had another somewhat frustrating conversation with the Engineer who has relocated to a different area of France… apparently it’s closer to me but I’m not sure. Google Maps doesn’t seem to think so… Anyway I was joking about how I travel to ease the pain of knowing I’ll die alone [I tend to find this funny but it really throws people off].. and he launched into this whole thing about how I’m like a fine piece of art that will only go to the highest bidder.. but I’m getting the feeling that he has no desire to even attend the auction. Ugh… cheesy metaphors make me queasy.. I think the Engineer feels like he is impressing me but its really really annoying actually!

Alright well I think that is all I’ve got for now. I’m quite keen on relaxing this week as when I get back it will be insane! Reports, conferences, workshops and all that is involved with job hunting….

The Bar or the Boy?

For a Friday at work it was a terrible day and so off to the local cocktail bar for big cocktails we went! On Fridays my colleagues split into three sections: the lame ones who go home, the rough ones who go drink the local beer at the local pub and the fun ones who head downtown for half priced jumbo cocktails. The place we go has huge drinks for little money and so it’s become a traditional place to unwind.

There is also a very very cute waiter who seems to always be working when I’m there. We always kind of flirt but last night it was really fun and very obvious. The good thing is that we finally got each other’s names. The bad thing is that he thought I was Australian… The good thing was that he brought me a “special” drink that was filled with candy on skewers and glow sticks and was really a sight to behold. He also was speaking English with me which hasn’t happened until last night. Now seriously, nothing will happen there except for some fun Friday flirting and nothing can happen. I like the bar too much to risk a bad situation and not being able to go back there. My English friend S tells me that one must take his or her local pub very seriously and never get involved with waiters or “barmaids” as he put it. The pub is too important. While that seems a bit extreme I think I have to abide by that. Maybe he just enhances the overall experience but he isn’t worth risking losing the best cocktails in the city over. Oh so nice to see I have my priorities in order!

Oh and I heard from the Engineer. He has returned from 9 days of solid grape picking… whaaaat?

Arrrghhh!

I hate Engineers!

Games games games

I hates em.. I kinda love that they are being played but I also hate them… ahhhh!

How does a girl know?

I wrote a while back about The Engineer and how he was someone I was somewhat interested in. Then my opinion started to change and so I pretty much left that option unexplored. Over the summer however, I have started wondering about him again. When I got back from Thailand and before I went to Canada we started having these long chats and conversations. Really nice, open, honest. He also told me he was really very single. I was not sure what to make of it so figured that I would just see how things progressed. He and I were in regular contact while I was home. His parents live in the same city and so I was supposed to truck some stuff back here for him. He still is pressing me to come visit him. I told him I’d only visit him if he visited me first. I don’t really understand my logic but that’s what I kept saying. I think I wanted to avoid uncomfortable moments in the safety of my own living situation than be stuck in some strange city with an odd boy. Worst case scenario of course.

So after a lot of friendly banter he presented me with two options: A) He visits me and then I visit him or B) We meet somewhere neither of us have ever been. I am happy with both options but again.. until someone books something,I don’t get excited.

Anyway we continue to chat and things seem friendly and at times a little more than friendly. He has started to be highly complimentary and interested and I find myself more open to the idea than ever before. When I really think about it… I see it could be a beautiful thing. He is many of the things I want and due to the fact that we both are from the same city yet want to continue to see the world.. we could work out a pretty awesome situation. I could be getting ahead of myself.. the only thing left to do is actually hang out in real life and see if there is anything that remotely resembles chemistry.

A telling sort of week…

Amazing how things can change so quickly.. especially when it comes to this girl’s opinion about that boy. So yes.. it’s been a telling week with The Engineer. For one thing, he has become extremely pompous, arrogant and douche-baggy in his communication with me. I can handle a bit of male arrogance but this is way too much.

 

Secondly, I’m really not comfortable with his whole Brazilian girl situation. Maybe she’s just for fun but I’m not that easy going. Plus I thought overtime he had become more easygoing but it turns out he was just hiding his judgmental streak and it’s still going strong. Therefore, I will not be spending lots of money to get myself to France to find out: “what if?”

 

And third, it’s Spring in Germany. People are outside and happy. There are far more opportunities to meet people than in the dark days of winter.. and so I’m not going to go and start some long distance thing that I’m not crazy excited about.

 

At the end of the day I’d rather be single and happy than in a relationship with a schmuck.

Boy oh Boy

They are so frustrating! OK so things with the Engineer are just so.. ugh!

 

To recap… I have now known him for 10 years and while we have been on each other’s radars for that long.. we don’t really know each other. Hence, he invites to visit him in France. This is a swell idea, methinks. He speaks about how he’s going to take me to dinner and for walks along some river and picnics in the park and all of that “French” stuff that is supposed to make a girl impressed. He keeps pushing that I come down and see him and saying that he will make it worth my while.. etc etc etc. The idea has definite appeal. He has definite appeal.. most of the time. While I previously stated that he was only a short train ride away.. I was wrong.. it’s quite the journey. But if there is something there to be explored.. then it isn’t a problem.

 

Anyway he brings up the fact that he’s got this Brazilian side kick in his life and while it’s not serious, they do “hang out”.. which he left open for interpretation. I said that I didn’t want to come all the way there to be some third wheel and he assures me it isn’t like that. She’s just for fun.. or something. I don’t know.. Now normally I would hit the ground running but strangely there is something there between us. I’m just not sure what it is. I think I need to find out but then again I don’t want to go down there and find out that I’m just some Blast from the Past and then promptly stuck in the “sister/friend” category.

 

Part of me thinks to just leave it alone.. forget France and go somewhere else for the long weekend but part of me wonders because, he is a lot of the things I want. And the thing is.. despite the fact that he has this girl hanging around.. he’s not a player.. well not to the extent some boys in my life have been. So I don’t know! I mean a trip to France is a trip to France…. But I do not want to be setting myself up for disappointment.