Run run run..

I went “running” this morning for the first time since.. well… probably June. How awful! Although it wasn’t nearly as horrendous as it could have been. I managed not to totally pass out in a nearby shrubbery and made it home all in one piece.

The good thing is that I’m not discouraged but totally motivated to get in shape and good shape at that! My mom and I have a competition thing going.. whoever has lost more by Christmas gets the other one to pay for a spa day. I need bribes and incentive! I am so gonna win!

Rambling about nothing really..

Lovely weekend these long weekends! Last night one of my friends who is moving to Asia had a “Drink My Booze” party. We each had to bring some mixers and then we went to town on her supply. It was good fun! Lots of stupid laughs and lots and lots of drinks! My head kills today and I really kinda feel like vomiting but it was worth it!

So this time two weeks from now I’ll be hanging out in Thailand! I’m really psyched about that and looking forward to being on a gooood beach for a while! We’re doing Chiang Mai, Koh Samui, Phi Phi, Phuket and Bangkok.. so it’s a good mix of places and a good blend of things to do and nothing to do! MB and I will be together for the whole thing and then the other chaperones will be in Samui with us I think. It should be good and they’re fun people outside of work.

HKN told me that he might pop by for a visit but we’ll see what happens there. I would LOVE to see him again but I’m also not really ready to be around him in minimal clothing. Yes he’s just a friend but he’s also a total aesthete…

So yeah.. the superstar diet is taking a long time to work but I guess it is happening.. I feel good mostly but still have those horrid days too.. and the drinking last night did not help! Anyway we’ll tan these imperfections and all will be swell!

I’m feeling really rather fortunate these days..  Life is pretty fantastic and I have lots to look forward to!

Self-Help-ish

The more I keep doing this life thing the more I keep realizing that so much of it is a head game. So much of how we feel about ourselves and those around us boils down to how we let ourselves process the world around us. It’s the whole idea of seeing things through the optomistic, pessimistic or realistic lense of life… It’s all about not letting ourselves go down bad or destructive thought paths and focusing on the positive and all of that. OK before I start sounding like some new age self help book let me clarify.

I am not a little girl nor will I ever be. I’m just not built like that and while I could wallow in self pity and hate all those who were born with better skinny genetics I won’t do that. I will continue to focus on improving my health, getting fit and being happy. I won’t let myself go down the “what I hate about myself” thought path. I won’t compare myself to others because at the end of the day.. I am me.. and that’s enough! If I feel good on the inside, I will reflect it on the outside and what’s not to like about that?

Nearly There..

Milan was great although not a city I feel any desire to return to.. unless of course it’s with my billionaire boyfriend and for shopping purposes.. but seeing as I lack that at this point in my life.. no more Milan for me!

I have only 11 teaching days left and then bam! holidays! I’m psyched about that and looking forward to a long rest! Everything is coming together so that’s fantastic!

I have been semi discouraged with the whole “getting fit and lean” thing in my life. Had a really icky week last week and felt like I hadn’t made any progress at all. So.. what’s a girl do when she’s feeling disgusting? Steps on a scale is what this girl does! And strangely but happily.. I’m down 15 pounds from when I started! I have lots and lots more work to do but at least something is happening! I guess I’m doing it now the hard but tried and true way of lots of veggies and lots of exercise and not a lot of sugar or white flour or beer!

So I might not be the skinny bitch I was planning on being in three weeks but I’m feeling really good and making slow but steady improvement. This is all quite encouraging and something I can live with!

And with that.. I’m off!

Just say no!

Last night I went to a birthday party for a friend from work. It was a lovely evening and since we were all in the celebratory frame of mind, I indulged and did have some lasagne, quite a bit of wine and split a dessert. About half an hour later my whole body broke out into a sweat and I had to excuse myself to the ladies room. I was violently ill for a good 20 minutes (thank goodness the facilities were extremely clean) and then it took me a little longer to calm myself down and I returned to the party, no one the wiser. It was a horrible thing to have happen but at the same time.. I guess it means that I have trained my body to not crave sweets and carbs and all that stuff. So there was a silver lining to the mid-evening misery!

Silly Lies

Do you ever find yourself telling random lies? The kind of lies that really make no difference and there is no need to tell yet all of a sudden you are saying these things that aren’t true?

Yesterday AussieGirl took me to a Gummy Bear shop! Seriously the whole shop was dedicated to gummy candies! All sorts! It was a definite version of heaven. Plus as you browse different candies, a lovely woman comes around giving you samples of all the various kinds of gummy candies. Bliss. Anyway I’m off sugar and so was intrigued to see that they had a whole section of sugar free candy. I asked the woman about them and she explained that they were all sugar free and she had several kinds.

“Now are these for you?” she asked.

“No, they’re for a friend,” I find myself replying, while accepting a sample of a strawberry rhubarb gummy.

AussieGirl and MB just looked at me and I shrugged.

“So who is your diabetic friend?” MB asked once we were out of the shop.

“I don’t know why I did that,” I said.

“Well if you keep going back the woman is going to think you buy an awful lot of candy for your diabetic friend.”

“I’m nice like that,” I said. “But on my last day in the country I’m going to go into her shop and confess: It was all a lie! It was me the whole time!! I have no friends with diabetes!”

MB and AussieGirl shake their heads, “You need a holiday.”

Fresh air and fondue…

And I’m back from Geneva and what a great time it was! The 10 kids we were with were fantastic! Really cool bright kids! And funny! The other teacher and I got along great and I think we’ll actually become good friends now. I met a girl of the same name as me, who comes from one city over from mine in Canada and lives one city over here in Germany too. She was one of those kinds of friends you meet and you just click with. We talked about perhaps visiting each other or traveling somewhere or something like that. It was good fun!

I loved the freshest of fresh air! I loved the cheese fondue, although not so good for the old diet. Here take this potatoe and dip it in boiling cheese.. oh now take some bread and dip it in cheese and more potatoe… but man! It was gooood! The chocolate was amazing too! I tried to be good but sometimes a girl just has to give in… however I didn’t gain any weight!

I loved the lake and mountains and overall scenery of the place. It’s a beautiful city for sure! It was also nice to just get away and clear my head a bit. I am feeling much better about things and feeling more like I’m in a happier place now.

I didn’t exactly get a weekend but I feel refreshed!

Oh and one of the nights we took the kids to see Slumdog Millionaire… I loved it! What a film!

Moving right along..

OK so things are going to be OK. They always are.. I just get thrown off if my feelings get “hurted” or if I’m extra sad about something. Anyway moving right along… This week is a short but long week. I’m off to Geneva on Wednesday for a school thing. I love field trips in this country! Should be good! Kinda worried about the food/diet thing but I’ll make it work. I’m actually down 6 lbs and it’s only been a week! I love this diet lifestyle!

Day 4

I have passed three days of no sugar or fun food! All protein and vegetables mainly! The big test was being at an Italian restaurant known for its house wine and delicious pastas and pizzas. I said no! Even to the bread basket! I drank soda water and ordered a salad and tried to remain strong!

But seriously, I already feel better and the mad cravings have stopped somewhat. It’s kind of depressing thinking about how long I have to be on this thing but I’ll get through it.

It’s not that hard, it’s just a lot of planning to make sure that I have all the right healthy food on hand and don’t let myself get too hungry cause that’s when I become a bad girl.

In three weeks I have a friend’s birthday thing so I’ll drink a glass or two or five of wine there.. although having cut it out for ages should make me a bit of a cheap date. Then my sister is coming and I have to take her up the tower for some kaffee und kuchen so I’ll let that be my one “treat”.

Also.. my creative juices have started flowing again. Eww.. that sounds bad but I got my so called groove back so that’s happy.

Just a Tuesday Afternoon

Well eating mainly protein and vegetables has made me a little less “high” in terms of how I usually act after a much needed sugar rush but I’m hanging in there. The first few days are always the hardest but I’m focusing on the desired results, one of which is not being the biggest person in Thailand in a few months time. Yes, I’m going to Thailand with some kids from school for 3 weeks to do a service project there. Cool eh? It IS incentive!

Secondly, it’s funny how when someone notices you saying no to chocalte or brownies or mini pizzas and asks you why and you explain that you’re cutting all of that out… opinions fly all over the place. I know that “dieting is bad” and that “moderation is the key” and all of that but I need to do something that works and fast and I’m not killing myself and ultimately it’s my body! So really.. unless I’m passed out on the floor or actually killing myself.. why can’t people just say: “good for you!” ???

Thirdly, I saw The Reader on the weekend.. finally. I liked the book better but did think that Kate Winslet deserved the Oscar. It wasn’t uplifting at all and made one feel totally disillusioned when leaving the theatre. I think this is also complicated by the fact that I spend the majority of my week with 15 year old boys and so the thought of a grown woman finding one alluring.. is beyond me! (this is a good thing!)

And that’s all I have for this rainy Tuesday afternoon…