You’ve Got a Friend

It’s the end of December and here comes 2009. Hard to believe a whole year has come and gone and what a year it has been. It’s been a pretty major one for me in that I moved to Germany from Indonesia and basically started building a whole new life. The process has been fairly easy and painless and I am happy in my surroundings.. most of the time.

Being home has been lovely and I’ve been having a great time catching up with friends. MK and I had an amazing visit the other day. It’s so strange to go from seeing someone every day for three years and knowing all the little details about that person’s life to only seeing them once in the past 6 months or so. I don’t like that so much. It was great to visit and realize that distance hasn’t really changed anything and we can still be close even though we have a few major continents between us.

I have been visiting with all my Canada friends and really enjoying catching up with everyone. Of course there is all the new fresh gossip but it’s also really nice to relax back into friendships that are comfortable and have history.

I had a fun girly night with A complete with thai food, chocolate, girly movies and wine. It was so nice to relax and solve the world’s problems as always…

Jimmy and I had a long awaited Skype chat the other night. It was fantastic! So good to catch up and discuss and laugh and just be the good friends we were back in a different place.

I’m visiting with some friends that go back to my high school days today and then tonight probably going out with LF. He’s my pretend brother and it is always so good to see him.

I guess I’m just really filled with love for my friends these days. In that way that I love them so much I feel like I could burst! Maybe that’s weird.

I used to hesitate at the idea that we are defined by our friendships but I am starting to rethink  that whole idea.  I know that the reason I am who I am has a lot to do with the friendships I have encountered and been part of over the years. I now have a solid group of people who I have experienced segments of life with and it is so comforting to know that the fact that I do live far away may slightly complicate things but it doesn’t really change them all that much. It’s nice to know that I have people scattered all over the world who knew me when I was awkward and 15 and angsty and 21 and homesick and 25 and being stupid and 26 and now … well now 28.

It’s a happy thing. It’s also something that I need to remind myself of from time to time.

Another year…

Well Christmas has come and gone, filled with the general busyness that is to be expected. I’ve been home for a week and have a week to go before I head back to Germany. It feels like the past week has been all about Christmas and family and so I’m looking forward to catching up with my friends!

I also got a new MacBook and so I’m really excited and happy about that! It’s so pretty!

And here comes 2009! Wow! That seems like such an old year. I’m trying to think of some good New Years Resolutions.. or perhaps I’ll say: Goals instead. Anyway more on that later!

I do hope you all had a Very Merry Christmas!

Happily Indifferent

And I’m done! Had to go into work today til noon which was a bit of a joke. Everyone was wired and jumping all over the place. After work I went with a friend for a thai buffet lunch, which was great and then we did some last minute errands and wandered the Christmas Markets. It was great!

This morning a woman at work asked if I was excited about how I’d be having my lovely visitor coming in February. I had to tell her that it’s been a strange week and that the lovely visitor isn’t exactly “lovely” anymore. She said to me: “Oh dear, promise me this won’t make you all cynical” and I promised. It won’t. I mean he was messed up and had his issues and it’s so good that it ended when it did and so I don’t take it personally nor do feel as though it’s any great loss. I mean it could have turned into a very messy situation. I think with this whole thing, it’s made me rather indifferent to the whole idea of relationships.

This is weird.

Usually at this time of year I’m all geared up about going home and encountering the somewhat suffocating married/babied-ville but not this year. I’m not feeling insecure or uneasy; I’m just feeling like me. I have an amazing family and some wicked friends and I do feel loved. I like my life and I’m happy with how things are going.

I’ve been making lots of plans and working on developing myself much more and I think this next year will be great. If someone comes along.. we’ll work with it but if not, I’ll be okay. I won’t let my lack of a dreamy boyfriend define me.

Anyway I think I’m out of my funk and I’m happy about the holidays!

1.5 days of work and 3 sleeps…

and I’ll be in Canada! I am quite looking forward to all the holiday cheer and being home with my family! Apparently there will be lots of snow as well.. so that’s a definite bonus.

Now if only I can get all the things done that need to happen before I happily fly out of here.. including a new haircut and style..

And here comes the Crazy!

Only four days and I’m flying home! Thank goodness for that! I am just about done here for a while! The added drama of Mr October doesn’t help anything either. However, as expected my best guy friends have been wonderful when it comes to putting things in perspective. HKN gave me some reassuranace and then laughed with me about it and FDB said I did the right thing and avoided a potentially scary situation. BNB even had some good things to say. It was nice to feel support by my “boys”. And the good thing is that today I only feel sad for him because he truly is crazy and really messed something up. But I also feel relief that I avoided a potentially insane situation and would have settled for a psycho. So this is good!

I’d much rather be single than have to deal with that kind of baggage. HKN is going through a strange situation with an equally psychotic person right now. He has had a full year of psychos. He said that his friend says that we’re at that age where all the people we meet have actually lived a bit and carry way more baggage and scars and shit than the people we used to encounter on a regular basis. I don’t know.. but he could be right… how depressing!

Anyway, as MK pointed out, I do get a lot of good stories out of these dramas.. so we’ll file this one away under Crazy and move right along…

*** I just want to clarify that I did not know about this guy’s issues before I got involved with him. There were some really sweet and fun aspects to him.. obviously or I wouldn’t have been enticed to see what could happen.. the bad stuff surfaced after he left. It’s actually kind of sad but I guess “you live, you learn”

Not quite a Christmas Love Story

Yesterday was nice blend of activities including a massive amount of drama regarding Mr. October (who wants to be February). I had been thinking and thinking about it and while he is a great guy.. there just seems to be more and more red flags popping up all over the place. I mean there is the fact that he has struggled with depression in the past, which apparently he’s dealt with but still. There is also the fact that he’s close to declaring bankruptcy. There is the fact that he lied to me about his living conditions and the fact that he is smothering me from Australia. So I’m thinking that while the attention and presents in the mail are nice, it’s best to cut ties while I’m ahead… and to make myself more available should something lovely walk by here.

Needless to say.. he did not take it well. He went nuts! Started texting me and sending me horrible emails and writing mean things all over my FB wall. He was so mean! And then he started contacting MB and telling her she had “won” in convincing me not to be with him. Which just made us laugh because it was never a game. Anyway I was at MB’s house trying to watch Christmas RomComs while this was going on. It was great to have the moral support because it was mental.

Even if I was having second thoughts about my decision, the last three hours of our “relationship” were very telling.

Still it makes me feel really yucky. I don’t like being mean and I felt bad. It’s just.. ugly.

But it’s over now and I’m gearing up for Christmas! Only 10 days! And I’m flying home on Saturday, so that’s exciting!
Anyway thankfully it’s all done now and while I’m lonely.. I have to trust that I did the right thing in not “settling” for this guy who is kinda nice.

Christmas Confession…

I must admit that I am a tad unsettled by the idea that Santa sees me when I’m sleeping…

Sad realization…

What is really sad is when you are watching Bridget Jones’s Diary and you realize that her “shocking over weight” is very close to your “ideal goal weight”..

Height and bone structure I’d say.. yes.. that makes all the difference…

A… B… C…

It’s rather unfortunate when Boy A says all the things you wish Boy B was saying. But Boy B says enough of the right things that you dare to hope that someday he will say all that Boy A is saying yet you kind of know he won’t. And then you find yourself somewhat resenting Boy A for not being Boy B and vice versa. Yet the presence of Boy B makes you unable to fully appreciate Boy A… maybe I just need to wish and hope for a Boy C for Christmas!

“All by myself…”

I was listening to a Christmas song today and it had something to do with still being in love with someone after all these years and how wonderful it is to spend Christmas with this person. It’s actually a really pretty song and if I was in a less single state.. I might actually feel all warm and fuzzy. Today I didn’t. I actually started CRYING! What in the world is going on????

Christmas is a really lovey time and it’s great when I’m surrounded by friends and family and all of that.. but sometimes it would be nice to have a guy around. Sure it presents the major complication of buying amazing presents for a guy but I used to do alright with that… It’s just a bit more .. awkward being single at Christmas time. Yes, I know.. I don’t have to divide my time between my family and his and it’s more economical but at the same time… It would be nice to have someone to share it with this year. I’ve been officially single for a looooong time. Overall I think I’m dealing with it.. just sometimes it’s kind of lonely.
Fortunately my sister is also single so we’ll be fine this year…

As an aside, has this not been the world’s longest week??? I can’t believe how long it has taken to get to Thursday… let alone Friday. 6 days of work left!

The most wonderfully stressful time of the year!

Let’s begin this post on a totally lame note (some pun intended).. I am tucked in my warm bed and listening to Enya’s Christmas CD… yep! Can’t get much lamer than that but that’s not the point here. It’s actually very relaxing, soothing but strangely makes me crave a decent 2 hour full body massage…
Anyway I feel ready for some hardcore relaxation as it seems like everyone around me is a major case of stress! Part of this could come from the fact that I work in an estrogen heavy department and everyone is wound a little too tightly. Also my students are totally wired and ready for holidays and I have work piling on my desk and zero motivation to tackle it… so yes.. I’m feel like I’m going to snap or scream or cry… I don’t feel capable of making wise decisions. All I know is that I’ll be home soon.

Why make wise decisions? Well I learned early on that wise decisions can’t be made at the Christmas Markets after several mugs of gluhwein (hello 150 euro wooden birdhouses!) but that’s not the major pending decision at the moment.
The major decision involves Mr October wanting to become Mr February and visit for a few weeks at the end of Feb. It should be zero pressure and while there are red flags there is also a fun guy… however it’s a bit of a “he likes me more than I like him” scenario and I’m just freaking out about it. It would be fun and we get along really well when we were together and… well it goes on and on.. I’ll explain more later.. but I have bought myself some time before I need to let him know… So yeah…
Some days I am totally done with him and want something local and close and available and such. Other times I figure, what the heck, it’ll be a good story, it might be fun and if it’s horrible.. he said I can point him to the nearest hotel. So what’s to lose?
I think I’m just stressed and when I go home all will make sense and be clearer. Only 10 days now…
And so.. I will return to my book and my lame Christmas music.. which is actually growing on me!

Party Party

Went to my first Staff Christmas Party on Saturday night and what a party it was! While getting on the tram downtown a band of older people wearing leprechaun hats and carrying tubas, trumpets, trombones etc got on at the same time. Once the tram was moving they started playing Christmas music and the whole car was clapping and singing along. I love random stuff like that!

The party itself was good fun. Nice to see people all dressed up and the food was good and the wine plentiful. Gotta love free drinks! I may have had a little too much wine so spent Sunday on the couch.. but alas! Tis the Season!

December Happiness is..

standing around a Christmas market, drinking cups and cups of gluhwein and noticing that all the men you’re drinking with are well over 6 feet tall! Bliss really!

And I rode the tram home with Adam tonight. It was really nice. We talked about books and big ideas and it made me happy. I think we’ll be able to be friends now.. No more weirdness.

This is all very good news!

It’s beginning to look…

Well two weeks and two days and I’ll be flying home for Christmas! These are busy days but despite the craziness, I’m having a bit of fun!

The Christmas Markets are incredible and it’s fun going downtown after school and wandering about and drinking gluhvein of course!

This is the first year I’m finding myself able to really get into Christmas. Well it was difficult in Indonesia to really grasp the whole “winter wonderland” ” concept, so this has been fun! Christmas drinks and scarves and sweaters and the like!

Also I’ve started lessons with my German tutor and it’s a thousand times better than the crap ones I was going to before. I’m actually learning things and understanding what is going on. She gets my learning style and works with it. Plus she lives across the hall so it’s extra helpful.

Anyway these are busy but happy days…