Convince me

Right now I am doing an assortment of things. Jimmy’s maid locked him out of his house so he’s having his afternoon nap on my couch while Before Sunset is playing on TV in the background. I am typing up the beginning chapters of my book and also trying to sort out things for Germany. My flat rental contract came in the mail today! Anyway there is oh so much to sort out. I am finding this whole new move thing is really playing a game with my mind.

In Bali I met two teachers who were working in HK and had been for the past 10 years. They went on and on and on about how amazing it is to work in HK and how there are so many jobs and what a great life it is. It wasn’t helpful for me at all. Suddenly I began having second thoughts and wondering what the heck I’m doing when part of me still really wants to be moving to HK. CF spent the better part of the afternoon talking to me about why Europe is better for me now and I think I am convinced again. It just took me a while to get totally on the Europe train and then these two people totally shook me off.. for a bit.

I think Germany will be good. Fresh air will be good. Taller people will be nice. Being able to live outside of this bubble I’m in now will be great. Career wise it’s a good choice. I’ll learn to be a bit more responsible with my money… or starve to death trying. I can learn German. I will be closer to some pretty incredible places. I’ll be able to meet new people. I’ll be closer to Canada. I need to stop being such a spoiled expat. I’ll be in a more creatively inspiring environment. I’m closer to my friends in London. More people will be able to visit me. I can start meeting real boys instead of developing unhelpful emotional attachments to the wrong ones. And the thing is.. it’s a brand new experience and experiences make us grow and develop and change.. and change is good!

Back.. sort of

Back from Bali and having a quiet time before the final term 4 insanity hits for apparently 11 weeks??

It was a fantastic holiday and I was able to read a lot and even get some of the creative juices flowing. Also feeling sunned and healthier and just better about everything.

Met some really cool people.. as you tend to do.. and had a great time talking about all things.. I love the random people one comes across on holidays. It’s funny how you can meet people and find some connection and then feel as if you’ve always known them..

Had some fun party nights and some chill nights.. ate some good food.. had some great drinks.. spent hours and hours lounging and it was just really great…

Still caught up in the post-holiday lull.. I’m back but only in body..

Yet I know that this is my final term of work at this school and so I need to give it my all. It’s going to be quick and a lot has to happen.. but it all will…

and before I know it.. I’ll be back in Bali again…

Holiday Update

Still in Bali and just taking a break from the sun for a bit. It’s crazy how internet is so accessible in this place. Actually it’s not crazy at all seeing as this is a tourist hot spot and it’s not like the internet is some new fangled communication device. Anyway been having a fantastic time and spending many a lazy day reading fun stuff and swimming and happy that the hardest decision I have to make is whether or not I want to start drinking before noon. And I do! Actually it’s been great just relaxing and getting my mind all relaxed and refreshed. Massages and stuff don’t hurt as well.

Haven’t been having as “wild” of a time as past times but I’m okay with that. There comes a point when being hungover by the pool all day isn’t as fun as it seems… wow.. I think I’m getting old! Anyway it’s been good and we have three full days left of this good stuff!

The hotel we are at is quaint and out of the way of the majority of drunken australian tourists. It caters more to europeans.. and us.. and those two other Canadian girls we met the other day. It’s not a large place so it’s easy to get to know the other guests. Or if not speak to, to at least be able to observe.

Been getting lots of story ideas and think I might actually have one that is going to work. I’m going to try to begin it today.  I’ve been reading so much that it feels like I have constant descriptions and phrases running through my head. I can’t seem to turn it off! I think I’ve had too much sun.

Alright well I need to order my coffee and so I’m off..

Happy Easter Weekend!

            To avoid heading back to that horrible hospital place to get my stitches removed, I took them out myself. Probably not the smartest idea.. since I feel like every time I laugh my scars are going to burst open but hey– what’s a little extra drama?

So Easter Weekend! Usually Easter is a pretty big deal at home and so I do miss being away from all my family but Bali will be a good consolation prize! My brother who was a vegetarian for the past 5 years but since meeting a girl who adores meat and thinks he’s just silly.. has requested my mom to make him a big ham dinner.

This side of the world has failed to catch on to the whole joy of Easter chocolate though.. no Cadbury creme filled eggs… no Cadbury mini eggs.. none of those chocolate Easter bunnies or little candy eggs. It’s tragic really… but probably good in the overall scheme of things.

Not sure I’ll post while in Bali.. unless it starts raining but let’s hope Rainy Season is done!

Anyway have a Happy Easter Everyone! I’m off to pack!

Chaos to Comos

Wow! I am finally safe inside my lovely apartment with full blast AC! I spent the morning and early part of the afternoon marking and I can now say that I’m done baby!

Anyway I felt like I needed to escape my little nest and venture out into the world for a coffee and snack and to check out some DVDs. Big mistake! This is some religious holiday (not Easter.. but something else today) and so everyone is off work but the mall is open. It’s not open but it’s filled with three times the normal amount of people.. slow walking people.. not so fresh smelling slow walking people.. it’s loud and chaotic and probably the closest thing to my personal hell. Oh, and for some reason they decided not to turn on the Air Conditioning.. so you can imagine.

Well I was committed and so I walked the entire mall to where the new dvds were and picked up the next installment of Nip/Tuck. OK not fabulous tv at all.. I mean really quite trashy but it’s another guilty pleasure and hey! I’m on holidays! There is time for mindless trash now! Got the dvds and made my way back to Starbucks where I sweat to death while placing my order, got my latte and booked it out of there!

There are some things I am NOT going to miss and that horrible mall is one of them!

So now I’m home and safe.. it’s quiet and cool and I’m quite happy to stay here tonight. What makes it even better is that this time tomorrow.. I’ll be flying to Bali!

Three cheers for Spring Break!

Almost Break Time

Slowly things are getting done! All my report card comments are complete and now I’m just plugging through some mock exam papers which I hope to have finished by tomorrow evening! Work ends in an hour (although let’s face it.. I’m on holidays in my head now!) and then that is the end of the third quarter of the school year. Wow! I cannot believe how quickly this year is going by. I’m off to Bali on Friday for 10 days! 10 glorious days!

I have almost filled out all of my surgical insurance forms.. what a pain in the ass that is. All I know is that I’d better get coverage or I am very very screwed.

So glad that it’s holiday time! I need a definite breather. Have had far too many “bad mood days” lately and no, it’s not PMS related. I don’t think anyway.  Nothing a little time on a beach or by a pool with a good book won’t fix. I’m going this time with another hardcore reader so between the two of us, I think we are bringing a small library. Although I tend to start looking through the stack of left over books at the hotel and always find a few that I wouldn’t know to read or like. I just love holiday reading! I’m bringing a mix of total chick lit (guilty pleasure), a few dark artsy books and a couple I got for Christmas and should probably read before I go home in the summer and see the people who gave them to me.

I also want to spend some time writing, although what tends to happen is when I actually have the time to pursue it, I have zero creativity. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen this time.

Anyway I’m off to sort myself out and then I’m outta here!

Assorted Thoughts

    It is extremely difficult to look intelligent while eating a banana.

Why do people think I want them messing up my facebook wall with boring information about their children’s ailments, first teeth or sleeping patterns?

Jumping Categories

Had a chat the other day with a long time friend and it was.. in a word.. awkward. I’m kind of upset about it. It was worse than talking to a stranger. Something was missing. I’ve been wondering what is going on because we haven’t been in regular enough contact for me to have done something wrong and it wasn’t like a “she’s mad at me” awkward.. it was just more of a “what the heck do we say to each other?” kinda awkward.

While I lived in Canada our friendship was one of convenience. We hung out a lot, we lived close to each other, we got along with each others families, her brother is still one of my close friends, we attended the same church, our boyfriends got along famously.. We would get together Thursday nights and watch Friends, then Survivor and then go get Dairy Queen because neither of us was too into CSI and then be home in time for ER. It was convenient and comfortable. Anyway this all went on for quite a long time. She continued to date and then marry her boyfriend and I broke up with mine. That was the first odd moment or riff in the friendship. Anyway since then she’s gotten herself all married and babied and I haven’t. We hang out when I’m home and send occasional emails but that’s it. The closeness we had before is gone and I think partly because we were such different people back then and we’ve changed and grown in ways that don’t seem to match up???

It’s really quite something because I’m finding it incredibly difficult to pick up again with her. We run into lots of silence that can only really be filled with me saying something like: “So have you seen that show Cashmere Mafia*?” Our conversation is only comfortable when we’re talking about tv shows or shopping or InStyle Magazine.**

It’s quite sad. I realize that I haven’t been totally open and honest with all that is going on with me because frankly, she’d be shocked to see how much I’ve changed. So I can’t really fault her for not totally being up to speed but at the same time– it’s getting harder to keep things going. A friendship based on convenience, location and general simillarities can’t totally survive major upheavals can it? Is a history enough to keep it going? It must end up having some sort of shelf life.

It’s funny how that works. One of my dearest and closest friends now lives in Iceland with her Viking Icelandic husband and new baby. Our lives couldn’t be more different, we don’t talk all that frequently yet we are still tight. We’re never at a loss for words and when we do talk it feels like we just spoke the day before. Maybe because after high school we were never really in the same stages of life- our friendship wasn’t purely convenient. I don’t know.

I really don’t know. What makes a friendship last forever? What makes one fall apart? Is it bad just to let friends go? Does the fact that I’m wondering this make me horrible? I know people say and I have written before about how friends are for a reason, a season or a lifetime… maybe I’m just bad at categorizing? Or maybe I’m just saddened by the results?

*which really is a pretty decent show.

**the last one I read was in the salon three weeks ago and it dated back August 2006.

Truman Show Syndrome

Most of the guys in my life are the strong sort. They are quite interesting, rather outgoing and generally real characters. Most of the guys I know also seem to suffer from the whole Truman Show Syndrome. You know, they think the entire world revolves around them? That the only really important thing in life is what they are up to? They thing that they are the most interesting people on the planet? Yeah, ego-centric is another word for it. The thing is.. with a lot of these guys.. their shows are pretty damn interesting. I mean I could watch the HKN show all day long. My brother also has a really good one. So does JB and even LF has a pretty decent thing going on. One thing that’s nice about all of these boys is the fact that I do get time or featured in the shows. I get the odd commercial or a walk on role. When I need to be featured.. I am. And it works out just fine… I like the show and I’m happy with my roles.

There are a few others though.. their shows suck balls aren’t my favourite. It’s so completely all about them.. that even if I try to make a slight appearance.. it becomes all about them again. These are the real Truman Show Syndrome boys. The kind who only ask questions so that you’ll ask them the same question back. The kind of boys who tune out during your answers or never really do listen to anything you say. These are the boys who think they have the best show going on.. but really.. it’s old hat. It’s been done before and it just gets simply tiring to be in the audience.

I know this isn’t a totally male thing as I have other female friends who think the world revolves around them but seriously.. it just gets a bit much at times. With the whole TSS thing I know that at times I get pretty into my own show too and if other people’s shows are boring.. I’ll tune out as well. But at the same time… I like to think that if I’m needed, I listen. I like to think that not everything I do is merely about me and that I can focus on people other than myself.

This then goes back into the whole notion of give and take in friendships/relationships. I believe that if they are purely one sided then they really aren’t a real friendship/relationship. Both people need to be heard.. both need venting grounds and both need to feel important. Give and take is really important.

Maybe Truman Show Syndrome is only prevalent in my relationships with guys but then that opens up the whole new can of worms about guys and girls being able to really be friends and that isn’t what this is about just now. I know that guys and girls can be because I have mentioned guys who aren’t totally TSS.

The other thing is that these TSS guys can be really interesting to a point but then it’s important to have other friends who actually do listen and validate and do all that fun friend stuff. I just get tired of watching certain shows.. and no one really wants to be around people who are all about them. It gets really tiring really quickly.

Every friendship needs some give and take and as Toby Keith sings: “I wanna talk about me!” And yes.. that was a reference to country music!
Oh and on a totally unrelated note check out this link. Most amusing site I’ve come across in a while!

HKN

My brother met HKN long before I did but he used to tell me stories about his crazy friend HKN and so I knew quite a bit about him before I met him. My first year here I had a training thing in Hong Kong and so I told my brother I was going to be there and seeing as HKN had just moved there.. I wondered if he could show me around a bit. Something got a tad lost with my brother not being the world’s most reliable one to give information but during my training I received a call from HKN. He said that instead of finishing off my holiday (which I trickly booked into the end of the training) in a hostel, to come with MK and stay with him. And so we did.

We had a wild and crazy few days in HK with him and it was great fun. I was surprised how well we all clicked and got along and HKN really went the extra mile in terms of making us feel welcome. It was a somewhat pivotal moment in my SEAsian experience. It was with MK and HKN that I finally was able to get some perspective and realize that life was about more than just getting married and having babies.

Anyway after that visit HKN and I stayed in contact. We’d chat online almost everyday and I must admit that initially I totally was enamored. He basically filled that emotional void for me for a long time. He was one of the first guys I had met who would talk me through issues and not let me settle by giving easy answers. We had a great time getting to know each other.. talking each other through things. It was fun.

He came here for a few days to see my life and we had a classic good time! Anyway as he got more settled into life in Hong Kong and I .. well lived here.. we became a bit less dependent on each other. The second year we didn’t talk as much but we did talk. He was in a serious relationship and I was getting a tad involved with someone else and so we would talk and compare stories and such but that was it.

This year we are a bit more regular in our communication. He came here in November and we had a wild few days which took me a few more days on top of that to recover from. We still talk but its more in spurts. I talk him through stuff.. he talks me through stuff.. it works in a strange way.

So while I initially thought he was amazing, I still kinda do but at the same time he’s the kind of guy I would never date. I know way too much about how he treats women and our relationship has gone past all of that and settled into this really nice comfortable thing where we look out for each other. I mean we have fooled around but never slept together which I think makes me the only female friend of his who he hasn’t. (And it was my decision.) Needless to say there is chemistry but it’s not a bad kind.

So now here we are. He’s rather settled into Hong Kong and I’m getting ready to leave SEAsia forever (or an undetermined period of time) which will change things but I’m not overly worried. I know that I have a little too much invested in this guy. I know that I do put a lot of weight on his opinion and I do know that with him being one of the few guys who I actually respect in some bizarre way.. the friendship probably needs some distance. It will be interesting to see what happens when we’re in different time zones but I think with him, it’ll all work itself out.

And I am looking forward to being the one with all the new relationships to discuss…

This n That

Yesterday, seeing as I was home all day I got to puttering around and found my Teaching at ***** magazine that is put out by my new school. It was given to me during the interview process but because I was reading a bunch of schools’ promotional materials I only briefly perused it and didn’t take much of it in. Well after reading through the whole thing I am very excited to be working there. It seems like a terrific place, with really high morale and tons of opportunities for professional and personal development. We have the option of working on our Masters or taking German classes or anything else that we think would assist us in our personal growth. The school is also big on working hard but having a real life outside of school. I think this is going to be a fantastic place for me for a few years!

I also came to the shocking realization that I only have 3ish months left here. That isn’t much time at all. Kind of sad. I have a problem with time sometimes. Instead of getting really excited and counting down I just kinda go with it. I’m not focused on the fact that I have however many days left..I know I’ll get there eventually and it’s going to happen so instead of focusing on my leaving.. I just let it happen. But this is also paired with a bit of denial. I don’t want to think about saying goodbye to my close friends here and all of that.. would rather not deal with that until I’m on the plane…

OK must start marking.. we’re having a girl night tonight and I’d like to be able to enjoy it!

Well that was an experience…

  Went to the hospital today for the routine procedure that turned into something out of a hospital horror movie. Is there such a thing as a hospital horror? I don’t know but it was a bit more than I expected and I came out of it loving the Canadian Health Care system!

I showed up at the hospital and the doctor then proceeded to go over every single mole and blemish on me with this weird tool that was supposed to measure irregular borders or something. Anyway after that I had to wait in line to be billed and put a deposit on the surgery. Only a mere 700 dollars! What is that? I could do the procedure myself with a knife and a bottle of Bombay! Anyway then I was taken up to the OR floor. They made me take off my shoes and jewelery and all of that. The shoes they gave me to wear into the OR were probably 4 sizes too small as they don’t usually get tall white girls in such a place. Then I took off all the clothes and put on a gown. Then they did the hair net thing and made me get in this tiny little bed. I’m seriously not that big of a girl but I felt like I was in little people land!

They told me that they were just going to give me some freezing and not put me to sleep or anything but they totally did! They shoved an IV in my arm (nicely it was a pink one) and then it really started to hurt and they asked me if I was okay and I said sure and then 3.5 hours later I woke up in another room.

MK was waiting for me, poor girl, not a fun way to spend a Thursday night. So once I was okay enough I got up and dressed and waited around forever to pay and all of that. It was a lot of money and I’m hoping my health insurance through the school will pay for it.. otherwise.. life will get the wrong kind of interesting.

Anyway that is all done for now and I stayed home from work today because I’m sore and a tad cranky but I have a feeling that some coffee and breakfast and daytime TV will remedy that!

Feelin It

    Due to basic female insecurity, low self-esteem or a warped idea of something or other, I tend to be a bit surprised when people show me support or tell me they love me or basically.. just care. I’m not saying this as a cry for help or to get pity.. just something in my head makes me doubt that I’m all that important to people. I know.. it’s a bit crazy.

Anyway yesterday was a really nice day in a strange way. A few people here and in the Asia area know that I was going to the hospital for that certain little ordeal and the people who knew really did nice things and made me feel all special and loved and supported. I got a few nice emails from some people at work, MK brought me fresh OJ and promised to come with me if I needed her to, CF hung out with me in the morning and gave me a big hug, HKN and I had a big long chat in which he said all sorts of nice things and let me know he was thinking about me, the India guy called me right away and then also said all sorts of nice things… and it was just.. nice. I felt loved.  I didn’t feel alone and it was nice to be reminded that I do have some amazing people in my life.

Efficiently Inefficient..?

What this country is not is efficient! I booked time off work and made my way to the hospital only to be told to come back tomorrow. The pathologist wasn’t working and she refused to cut me open without him there. Boo to that!

When does it ever end???

   I find that my creativity peaks when I’m the most busy with other non-creative ventures. My marking has piled up to a completely unmanageable amount as well as a whole lot of other paper work. I have determined that I would make a lousy administrator. Can’t keep papers neat no matter how hard I try. It kind of stresses me out. Plus I heard that handling too much paper makes your nails weak. So there.. need to live a life with minimal administration involved.

I’ve been feel rather angsty when it comes to creativity these days. I have these fragmented ideas floating around my brain but no proper outlet for them. I can’t commit long enough to write anything substantial or to explore them further. At least the holidays are coming up and I am free to get lost in my thoughts for a while. See if anything in there makes any sense.

I’m only teaching half my course load because the other half of the students are writing Mock Exams. It’s quite nice although the supervision of them isn’t the most fun. Talk about a boring way to pass the time. It’s been alright though because even though we aren’t supposed to do marking or anything that looks like real work.. some of us play word games or write ridiculous poems or the really geeky teachers write the exams too. It’s all in the name of passing the time. Speaking of which, I need to get to my supervision…

Oh and this afternoon I’m headed to the hospital to get “cut up”.. the fun just don’t stop!