Nearly There

I am definitely ready for holidays! Only 4.5 days of work left and then I’m Canada bound! Looking forward to being home and taking a looong break from all this work junk.

The nice thing about being new to Japan is that I can bring back lots of fun “Japanesey” presents this year and it will be somewhat exciting. Try bringing back beersteins 3 years in a row.. “No it’s great! It’s a big glass you can drink beer from.. Gramma..”

Anyway I think I’m heading out today to get some of the last minute things and then might.. might start thinking about getting a start on my packing. I don’t know why I write things like that because we all know it’s not going to happen until at least the night before..

But alas! I’m off to shop.. well when the stores open.. yes.

Darker Parts of December

I’m needing some major motivation to get through the next ten days. My brain is packing up and getting ready for holidays but there is still so much to do!

 

Hard to believe in 2 weeks I’ll be home…

Home will be a bit different this year. My dad is having some pretty major surgery and while the date hasn’t been completely finalized it will most likely happen right before I arrive home. He’s always been a healthy rock and pillar in my life and so this is all very unsettling. We’re doing a low key Christmas this year.. as that seems appropriate and more than ever I’m looking forward to us all just being together.

During the past weeks it’s been difficult being so far away from home. At times it’s almost isolating since someone has to always make sure they tell me what’s going on.. and not everyone remembers. It’s hard not being closer and it makes me wonder how much more of this overseas living I can really handle. It’s fine when everyone is happy and healthy but when something happens.. it becomes very difficult.

I had a conversation with my mom last night where once again I told her that she needs to tell me everything that’s going on because I hate “fresh off the plane” surprises. I’m sure that everything will work out okay but on the off chance it doesn’t.. I don’t want to be surprised. I’d rather know right away.

Anyway this is neither cheery nor uplifting but sometimes bad things happen and I’m learning it’s better to just deal with it than try to cover it up.

Life… interesting isn’t it?

Birthdays Abroad

Living away from home can be difficult during holidays and special occasions. I always find my first birthday in a new place to be one in which I try to tell myself that it doesn’t matter what happens, I’m new and of course I’ve only known these people a little while so have zero expectations and for crying out loud.. who cares!?! it’s just a day! Anyway.. wow! Tokyo sure outdid itself! As I sat on Friday night, filled with amazing food, ordering unlimited amounts of alcohol and surrounded by people belting out their favourite karaoke hits.. well I was happy. It’s hard to believe I didn’t know any of them at the beginning of August and there we were.. celebrating my birthday in the loudest, most Japanese way possible!

My birthday was Thursday.. which was ideal as I could make it stretch out over the weekend. On the Wednesday night one of my friends took me to the Onsen… a Japanese bath. Yes it’s a big naked event but it’s all kinds of amazing. Especially sitting in hot springs under the night stars. So we did that and she also bought me a massage.. I feel sooo good and clean now!

The actual day was lovely.. I was blown away by all the little gifts and kind words and wishes from people. At night another friend took me out for dinner. We went to this amazing new restaurant on the top of a building overlooking the whole city. It was amazing!

Then my birthday party started with dinner and drinks at this incredible Indian restaurant. We ordered the party package.. so unlimited curry and rice and naan as well as unlimited drinks for 2 hours.. Then we went for a drink somewhere else until our Karaoke room opened. And then we sang.. from midnight til 5am.. It was a good time and I was really blown away by all of the people who came out for the whole night or parts of it.

Last night a few of us went to see A Kabuki Christmas Carol… it was.. interesting. Dickens with a Japanese twist. I feel it added a certain level of culture to the whole weekend.

Anyway I’m sitting here feeling very loved and grateful and thankful that even though I live far from many of my loved ones.. the new people in my life are pretty great too.

Thursday Thought

Life has been crazy lately.. Just returned for almost a week in Singapore. It was lovely to get out of this city and into a warmer, even cleaner and definitely greener one. Plus the food! Oh the food! Yes this week I’m feeling like a fat cow but last week.. it was worth it!

Not long til Christmas and I’m looking forward to heading back to Canada for the holidays.

I’ve decided that I’m being unhealthy in terms of holding onto the faint idea that relationships that I had or almost had with people could magically start working again. This brings out my super insecurities and basically turns me into a big old insecure mess. Hot right? I don’t like how I feel like I’m subtly trying to talk guys into liking me. That’s demeaning to myself and putting myself in a weak position.. where I feel I don’t belong or shouldn’t belong.

So I’m going to try a new approach.. I’m going to get back to working on being content with my life as it is.. dealing with the things on my plate right now and making sure that I don’t settle for people or a person who doesn’t truly love me back.

And if that person doesn’t show up.. well I know I’m going to be okay.

I think I believe that.

A Dark November Day

It’s been dark and rainy all day. I ended up having to bike to work this morning and am not looking forward to the wet bike ride home.

This week has not been a good week. Lots of strange things have happened around me and I’m just wanting to climb under my duvet and wake up next week sometime. I’ve actually cried quite a bit this week. I’m going through some stuff, my friends are going through some things, people are dying and it just seems like it’s pretty dark right now. Maybe that’s just November. Apparently it IS actually the cruelest month.

This morning it was raining so I decided to take the train to work. When I left my building I noticed lots of people milling around bus stops and ambulances and fire trucks and emergency crew everywhere. I couldn’t tell what was happening so I crossed the street and made my way down to the train tracks. Tons of people were there, the gate was closed off and it was utter chaos. Well OK not utter chaos but still chaos for Japan. People were shouting, emergency crews were at work, and the sign with the train times was flashing red. I waited for a bit trying to figure out if I should continue waiting or make other arrangements. Then some man started yelling over his megaphone and people were instructed to move back because they were bringing a body up from the tracks. It was discrete but there it was. Someone had jumped.. or been pushed but either way.. someone had died.

Apparently we’re heading into a bit of a suicide period in Japan. How bleak. The whole suicide thing is really upsetting. This is the fourth one I’ve heard about in the last 10 days or so. To be at the point where you actually want to end it all must be so awful. It’s horrible and sad and a great many things. I also learned that apparently committing suicide really messes up the trains and so the bill is sent to the person’s family.

Anyway this post is rather dark so I’m going to end it but the good thing is that it’s nearly the weekend and this hours away from being over!

 

 

Some Tuesdays are just..

a little darker than others…

 

The Night I wore 4 inch heels..

I am not a heel person generally although I have been known to wear them from time to time. Being a taller girl generally means that when I put on a pair I tower.. tower above the rest. In Germany this wasn’t a huge issue… here it’s a little bit of one.. although when I was invited to stay at some hotel that is associated with the Base for the night… I figured being around a bunch of Americans in heels wouldn’t be a bad thing..  and it wasn’t! (AND I didn’t break my ankle!)

In Tokyo there is definitely a strong military presence and so because of that there are tons of Americans afoot. This hotel was created as a place for them to get away from the city and relax surrounded by all that is American.. including greasy food, cheap drinks and english cable television. My friend had scored a room there somehow so she signed us in and the fun began. We were also able to do a bit of shopping at the store there.. I wound up buying a fantastic coat as well as lots of goodies including Tootsie Rolls and chocolate pudding! The things one starts to crave when it’s no longer available…

Oh and the food and drinks are priced in American dollars and cheap! We had a fantastic dinner and probably about 7 bottles of wine and who knows what else.. and I don’t think I paid more than 60 dollars for the night…

I also met some nice-ish men who were not intimidated by my height. However when one of my friends accused him of being a murderer due to his job.. he seemed to disappear. Not a popular idea to spread around a military environment.

It was a nice night and while I don’t generally go out with that group of girls I’m really glad I did. We party well together.

Anyway I’m feelin it today so gonna end this thing and eat a chocolate pudding or two.

Livin Life

In three days I will have finished my first quarter of the first year of work at this new place. Wow! Hard to believe that a little more than two months ago I was sitting in Canada wondering what in the world my life would be like and now.. I have my apartment nearly set up, my friendship/social group starting to form and my job pretty much although not completely under control..

I’m working on being okay with the being single thing and while there are the odd dates.. nothing is really striking me. Trying to get over all that happened in Europe although a certain someone isn’t making that very easy. What’s wrong with me?

Also.. seeing as the gym is freakin EXPENSIVE.. and I actually kind of hate gyms.. I’ve realized that I need to get this physical fitness thing going and so I’ve been doing some other cheaper activities. I’ve started doing yoga a few times a week and I also started the Couch to 5K thing.. I am not a runner but I have no problem listening to my playlists and having some chick interrupt every now and then and tell me to “start runnin” or walk or whatever.. I’m on week 4 of a 9 week program and it’s starting to feel quite good.

Japanese parks at 5am are interesting places… maybe one day I’ll elaborate.

Also for the first time in my life.. I’m managing my money. It’s a pretty great feeling and I’m excited to FINALLY start making some financial progress. To celebrate perhaps I’ll book a trip to Bali tonight… here we go again!

Happy Monday y’all!

 

Just another day..

Going to the lady doctor is always a bit of a horrible experience no matter where one is living so when I ran out of a certain pill I was less than thrilled at the prospect of exploring Japanese Health care at such a level. I ended up going with a friend for moral support and while she waited in the waiting room I was led down a long hallway to meet the doctor.. a man.

“Hi, I um need to get more pills,” I told him somewhat awkwardly as I took my seat.

“Yes, what kind?” he asked politely.

“Uh this kind,” I said while handing him an empty box. He took the box, opened it and pulled out the information sheet that was tucked inside. He looked it over, turning it around a few times and then said:

“I cannot read this. This is not English.”

“Oh right, it’s German. Sorry about that,” I shrugged. He typed something on this computer and then turned the screen around. There were pictures of different packets of pills. All the wording was in Japanese.

“Which one do you want?” he asked me, motioning to the screen.

“What one would you pick?” I questioned awkwardly.

He studied the chart and recommended one and then asked me how many packs I wanted. I told him and then he told me to go back to the waiting room. A few minutes later I was sitting in a nice restaurant, sipping on wine, with several months worth of pills tucked safely in my bag. Granted I have no idea what exact pill this is but if I start glowing or turning a weird colour in a couple months please tell me.

Maybe Less IS More

I met up with a guy who I had exchanged minimal words with prior to our date. He sent me a message that read: “I’d like to buy you a drink.”

I replied with: “I’d like you to buy me a drink.”

“How about Tuesday?” he wrote and told me the place to meet.

“Works for me… oh and what’s your name?”

And that was it and so last night I found myself sitting on the train about to meet a person whom I really knew nothing about and realized that I had a minimal if not non-existent amount of nervousness going on. Maybe I’m onto something. I went into the experience with little to no expectations and so it was much more random than meeting up with someone I had been chatting with for months and developing ideas of grandeur about. I was realistic.. I was about to meet a new person and see if I liked him and he liked me and if we like each other enough to hang out again.

So this zero expectation worked in my favour. I was pleasantly surprised by the good things about him and not disappointed because he didn’t match the person I was hoping in my mind he’d be. I used to think I need to know almost everything about a guy before we met but I think I was wrong. This approach is more direct, a less waste of time and overall.. could be a better way to do things.

And so it went well. He’s a nice guy. He bought me two huge glasses of wine. We talked and talked and it was fun. Who knows what will happen next and I’m not totally sure what the level of chemistry was but he did say he would call me again and I do believe him.

 

 

** OK so it may have been a bit risky but I’m smart when it comes to well-lit public places, a friend knowing where I was going and someone checking in on me via text part way through.. most of the time.

Getting a Life..

I hung out with people tonight who are not teachers! I am trying to put myself out there and get involved in life in Japan.. life outside work. Imagine! So I found a group of people on the interweb that I figured I had a few things in common with and dared myself to go meet them. It was great! I’ll go back again for sure.
Also.. I have a date tomorrow night. Not sure how into this guy I am but it’s good to get “back on the horse” and just to interact with new people.. so yes.. busy week this week!

Roses

Sometimes I end up in very odd situations. Last Friday night I went out for dinner with two people. One was Southern Gal and the other a guy who I had been introduced to through a mutual friend and she had met through a dating site. It’s kind of weird. So three of us met for dinner, one girl was kind of on a date, one girl was just meeting the guy her friend had told her about (me) and one guy was… confused? Anyway it was kind of an interesting dynamic and while Southern Gal is lovely in all kinds of ways, she was quickly losing the account. I think the only reason I was really doing well is because I didn’t really care. I mean he’s tall, athletic, intelligent, personable blah blah blah but for a few reasons my head wasn’t in the game at all. Unfortunately aloof seems to work with men.. I hate that.

So later it came out through certain friends of ours that if that was an episode of The Bachelor.. I would have been offered the rose! Ha!

But it’s not much of a victory because Southern Gal and I are friends and everyone knows it’ll just be too complicated and messy to do more than all be friends… I think. Plus you have the mess of intertwining social circles and being the new girl one doesn’t want to create unnecessary drama and so.. life continues..

But we three will all be at the same party tonight… fun.

New Situations

Last year I worked closely with a lot of girls/women/ladies what have you. Last year I also socialized with a lot of girls/women/ladies what have you. Most of the men in my social circle were gay and I really wasn’t too involved with any straight guys.
This year things are different..
I’m socializing with guys quite a bit more and have a few in my close circle already. I particularly love my two Work Boys. We are the three youngest staff members and have sort of formed a little gang. We sneak away from the workroom for coffee breaks or go for drinks after school. I’m enjoying it. The other thing is that (at this moment) there is nothing going romantically on any level and so we’ve got this nice brothers and sister thing happening and I find it rather lovely. While I loved all my lady friends back in Germany and miss them desperately.. I’m finding the lack of quite so much estrogen to be refreshing! It’s nice to get a guys perspective on things and it’s fun because we all have at least a few main things in common. I’m thinking it’ll be a trio that I’m happy to be in.  Although from our few encounters.. I’m thinking these boys may end up bringing an equal or even higher amount of drama than any of the girls did. Should be fun!

Just what the doctor ordered…

if his order included copious amounts of wine and an unmemorable amount of gin and tonic.

So last night I met a couple people for dinner and then the plan was to meet another girl and head “downtown Tokyo” for a couple drinks. I’d take the last train home and have a fairly mellow night. Um… that didn’t quite happen. Parts of Tokyo have a way of sucking you in and not releasing you until the early morning hours.

It was good fun and I met tons of people. I really wasn’t there to pick up or anything but received lots of attention. And well.. that sometimes feels good.

Toward the end of the night I found myself talking to two married men. Sketchy right? But they were super cool. They said they thought I was a nice girl so they were going to teach me how to “work” that bar. Apparently the one we were in was filled with married guys. “Assume everyone in here is  married and make friends with them all. Each of know at least 100 other guys… if you’re our friend.. we’ll introduce you.” Ah so the social networking bar scene. Anyway it wasn’t sleazy but it was just a fun place to be.

I think I’m gonna shop today but still feeling somewhat fragile so we’ll see how we go.

Tonight is a birthday party in a cool area of town.. supposed to be a chill kinda event but we’ll see…

What Kind of Fool?

Note to Self:

If you nickname someone Mr Dangerously My Type on your blog – you should perhaps pay more attention to the word Dangerous and less to the My Type. If you fail to do this you will probably find yourself.. 8 months down the road semi-totally heartbroken and wondering why this always happens to you!
You don’t give any of yourself to a Dangerous Man.

Dangerous Men “go around breakin young girls hearts” and that includes yours. Dangerous Men will have you believe that you are a fool for thinking more existed than did, for believing in a future and for counting on things that were never full articulated, much less promised. Dangerous Men know how to say enough to keep you interested but not enough to commit themselves. You know this.

Dangerous Men will ultimately get what they want from you but at no cost to themselves. And leave you feeling like you lost or weren’t enough or didn’t have what it takes for him to want to stick around.

A terrible thing about a Dangerous Man is that while you know that there are so many horrible things about him and most people you know would have serious problems with you actually committing to someone like him.. you still end up finding yourself feeling totally miserable at the idea of life without him and the thought of him “seeing or dating other people” makes your stomach curl up and squeam..(yes squeam is a new word I’m trying out).

And then you get fed statements by him about how you’re a “mega catch” and anyone who meets you most likely will want to be with you and not to date douchebags and “I really want us to continue to be good friends for many years”.. “I just can’t commit to you the way you seem to want” which means, “while you’re amazing, I still want to play around and so I’m letting you go.” He can do this casually, the way he casually admits that he’s not going to lie about how he’s been seeing other people “casually” since you left. He does this in such a way that you feel foolish for believing in him. He walks away feeling like the decent one. Dangerous!

Anyway the ultimate worst thing about this whole situation is: You called him Dangerous from the beginning.

How did you expect this to play out?